Surah Al Mulk - Ayat 2

Dia lah yang telah mentakdirkan adanya mati dan hidup (kamu) - untuk menguji dan menzahirkan keadaan kamu: siapakah di antara kamu yang lebih baik amalnya; dan Ia Maha Kuasa (membalas amal kamu), lagi Maha Pengampun, (bagi orang-orang yang bertaubat);

Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face

You told me how proud you were but I walked away

If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms

I would take the pain away

Thank you for all you've done

Forgive all your mistakes.

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To hear your voice again.

Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit

Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss

And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh, whoa

Would you tell me I was wrong?

Would you help me understand?

Are you looking down upon me?

Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To have just one more chance

To look into your eyes and see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself, oh, oh, oh.

If I had just one more day

I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous

It's so out of line

To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself by hurting you...

Surat untuk Dady..

Assalamualaikum...

Dy,
Kalau masih sempat kami putarkan waktu,
nak sangat kami kembali ke zaman dulu,
di saat kami berada dalam pelukan mesra dady,
di saat kami merengek manja minta didukung dady,
di saat kami ketawa riang digeletek dady,
di saat kami kekenyangan disuap dady,
di saat kami kegelian dengan janggut tajam dady,
di saat kami menangis di marahi dady,
di saat kami kebosanan di sekolah menunggu dady ,
di saat kami ternanti2 di bus stand minta di ambil dady,
di saat kami tertunggu goreng pisang panas dibeli oleh dady,
di saat kami bertegang urat tak mau mengaku salah dengan dady,
di saat kami marah dengan kedegilan dady,
di saat kami ditengking kerana bergaduh di dalam kereta oleh dady,
di saat kami menunggu waktu berbuka puasa dimeja makan bersama dady,
di saat kami menelefon minta duit dari dady,
di saat kami sakit di hantar ke klinik oleh dady,
di saat kami kegembiraan di pagi syawal menunggu kepulangan dady dari sembahyang raya,
di saat kami bersama2 menjerit pabila tengok bola dengan dady,
di saat kami ditegur kerana berbuat bising oleh dady,
di saat kami mengucup pipi dan dahi dady,
di saat kami menghulurkan tangan untuk bersalaman dengan dady,
di saat kami mencium kedua belah tangan dady,
Tapi...kami tahu semuanya sudah terlambat.....

Dy,
kalau masih sempat kami luahkan perasaan dan rasa,
ingin sangat kami nyatakan pada dady
betapa sayang n cintanya kami pada dady,
betapa kami bertuah menjadi anak dady,
betapa kami sangat menyanjungi dady,
betapa kami sangat mengagumi budi bicara dady,
betapa kami sangat ingin mencontohi sikap peramah dady,
betapa kami ingin menjadi taat dengan suruhan-Nya seperti dady,
betapa kami ingin mengikut sikap pemurah dady.
betapa kami ingin menjadi ringan tulang seperti dady,
betapa kami ingin sentiasa tersenyum manis seperti dady,
tapi..kami tahu semuanya sudah terlambat.....

Dy,
kalau masih sempat kami ucapkan terima kasih atas segala jasa dan pengorbanan dady,
pasti kami belikan segalanya untuk dihadiahkan kepada dady,
pasti kami sediakan rumah yang selesa untuk dady,
pasti kami berjalan ke serata dunia bersama dady,
pasti kami sewakan hotel 7 bintang untuk bermalam bersama dady,
pasti kami hulurkan beribu wang ringgit untuk dady,
pasti kami gapai bintang dilangit jua untuk diberikan kepada dady,
tapi...kami tahu semuanya sudah terlambat....

Dy,
Kalau masih sempat kami ajukan pertanyaan,
ingin kami bertanyakan pada dady,
kenapa terlalu cepat dady meninggalkan kami?
kenapa terlalu mudah dady pergi begitu sahaja?
kenapa terlalu pantas semua ini berlaku..?
kenapa air mata sentiasa menjadi peneman kami sekarang ini?
kenapa kami perlu menangis pabila melihat rumah baru dady di sana?
kenapa kami rasakan semua ini seperti mimpi..?
tapi...kami tahu semuanya sudah terlambat...

Dy,
Kalau masih sempat kami memohon kemaafaan,
ingin kami susun sepuluh jari memohon ampun dan maaf
atas segala kesalahan kami terhadap dady,
atas segala dosa-dosa kami terhadap dady,
atas segala kekasaran bahasa kami terhadap dady,
atas segala salah faham antara kami dan dady,
atas segala apa yang berlaku secara sedar atau tidak yang menyakitkan dady,
tapi...kami tahu semuanya sudah terlambat...

Dy,
Kami masih belum terlambat untuk
sentiasa mendoakan dady di sana, insha'Allah
bersedekah untuk dady, insha'Allah
menjaga maruah dady, insha'Allah
menjaga nama baik keluarga, insha'Allah
menjaga perlakuan kami didunia, insha'Allah
menjaga kata-kata kami, insha'Allah
sentiasa mengingati dady dalam tidur dan berjaga, insha'Allah
yang paling penting..sentiasa menjaga mamy, orang yang paling dady sayangi n cintai.. insha'Allah

Dy,
Kami tak mungkin melupakan dady, kami tahu dady sentiasa di sisi kami,
disetiap hela nafas kami sentiasa mengingati dady,
disetiap bacaan dan doa kami sentiasa menyebut Ar-Rahman,
disetiap kegembiraan dan kekuatan kami ada kekuatan dady,
disetiap darah yang mengalir di badan-badan kami ada darah dady,
Mungkin kita akan bertemu lagi suatu masa nanti,
Tidak dapat bertemu di sini mungkin dapat kiranya bertemu di syurga, insha'Allah..
Selamat tinggal dady, sampaikan salam untuk ahli2 yang lain.
Assalamualaikum arwah bapaku...(Abdul Rahman Abdullah 1955-2014)

-anak2mu-

Pergi Tak Kembali (Allahyarham Abdul Rahman B Abdullah 1955 - 2014)

Setiap insan pastikan merasa
Saat perpisahan terakhir
Dunia yang fana akan ditinggalkan
Hanya amalan yang akan dibawa

Terdengar sayup surah dibaca
Sayu alunan suara
Cemas di dada lemah tak bermaya
Terbuka hijap di depan mata

Selamat tinggal pada semua
Berpisah kita selamanya
Kita tak sama nasib di sana
Baiklah atau sebaliknya

Amalan dan taqwa jadi bekalan
Sejahtera, bahagia pulang...kesana

Sekujur badan berselimut putih
Rebah bersemadi sendiri
Mengharap kasih anak dan isteri
Apa mungkin pahala dikirim

Terbaring sempit seluas pusara
Soal bicara terus bermula
Sesal dan insaf tak berguna lagi
Hancurlah jasad dimamah bumi

Berpisah sudah segalanya
Yang tinggal hanyalah kanangan
Diiringi doa dan air mata
Yang pergi takkan kembali lagi

Labour Story & The Pain Inside Out..

Dear Little Arman,

What kind of title is that? Ok forget it. Just read with a nice deep breath.
(Coz agak menyeremkannn..hahaha)

Oh, finally mommy da selamat gave birth to you love!
Papa & I have decided to call you Arman. (You like it? hopefully yea..)
Papa already register your surat beranak pun whether you liked it or not! Pasport coming soon!
Coz you're only 1 month old.
I wonder how to take your pasport photo. coz you're very small..hihi.

Ok, I wanna tell you & people who read this blog the story (sila baca title di atas..)
Here it goes..
Pada suatu hari..sang kancil pun..eh mende...
Ok serius..
Pada suatu pagi yang hening, I was in d office. tgh kerja..
I think on that day I already 38 weeks.
Suddenly, i feel something macam terkencing (opps sorry) dalam seluar.
I rasa sgt tergezuttttt...Tapi still control macho..I mean cun..hihi.
I told my colleagues Kak Era & Kak Nana about the terkencing part., (sayangnyaaa Nora wasn't there to be with me while my waterbag broke..hahaha! Ok.. nora is one of my good colleague.)
And they said 'air ketuban ko pecah la tu..'
Dan semakin banyak,banyak dan banyak..So semua orang pun excited utk membantu kita ni ha!
hihi..Happening sungguh kau bikin office aku waktu tu Arman oi!
Dan dgn kuasa Allah, pagi tu Papa send me to office. I didn't drive to office like usual..
Ok, So kak nana & kak era took me straight to the hospital. Thank you darlss..
Setibanya di hospital, takyah la nak bilang pasal register semua kan...cut short plsss..
Ok, setelah doktor cek evrything, doctor kata jalan masih buka 1cm only..oo really..?
Patut la i tak sakit terus..
Sangat tak sakit..hahahah. But I still kena admitted coz waterbag da pecah, boleh men'danger'kan baby..
1st time kena admitted hosptal u ols. Tapi not so bad..
Hari pertama di hospital dah kena induced..But still tak sakit.. I didn't feel the contraction.
Hari Kedua..Tak kena induced pun..And then masih tak rasa sakit nak bersalin..
I pun berserah je la..Papa always came to visit me.. brought good food from outside..hahhaa
Thank you sayang..
Hari ketiga, jam 4 pagi da rasa sakit every 20 minutes.. Oh yeah to all ladies, banyakkan baca surah maryam, it helps a lot..
And then rasa sakit tu every 5 mins pulak... And I vomit 2 times seh...
Bila dah tak tahan and cannot handle anymore, I ask doctor, tolong check how many cm dilated coz I want to give birth now.. hehe..
Doc check and already 4cm dilated so bole masuk labour room..
Yahoo...best2.. dalam hati seram juga...
Dalam labour room dia masukkan ubat yg mempercepatkan bukaan supaya baby cepat keluar..
My husband was there inside the room..siap borak2 wif the nurses..(I told you Arman, he's so friendly! hahahha).
And then the nurse cek and said to me, cuba try push..(dalam hati I, even the doc takde pun ok ke ni nak push?) And i followed nurse instruction..
First time push...
Second time pushhhhh...
And Arman pun came out...Alhamdulilah..
Semuanya dalam sekelip mata.. Rasa sakit tak seperti yg I imagined.
Alhamdulilah maybe ini bahagian mama.. Thats y I said Arman very good boy..
Thank you Allah... Thank you Arman.. & Thank you evryone yg mendoakan..
Memang sgt mudah urusan bersalin ni..Alhamdulilah..

Ok la..till next time..Arman da start bunyi2..
-ayu-

My words..

I know i hurt him so much..

I know he's crying inside..

I know i shouldnt blame him for everything that happened..

But.. 

I'm only human..

-ayu-

Tabiat bulan puasa

Dari kecik sampai besor,

Saya org pertama akan duduk seawal 15 atau 10 minit kat meja makan tunggu masuk waktu berbuka..

Sungguh buruk tabiat itu.. 

Sekian..

-ayu-

Dear My Baby..

Assalammualaikum,
Today you're already 34 weeks old inside my tummy.
Soon you're going to see the world..
Crazy little world..
What are you doing inside there?
Sucking your finger or exercising? (You moved a lot you know??!!)

Baby, I wonder how do u look like..
Maybe look like me or your papa? or combination of us?
I hope my inherited dimple can be seen on your cheeks or else you'll have my long chin but not so long k..hehe.
and I hope you will have papa's beautiful long eyelashes and sharp nose or papa's chin dimple..(handsome)
Ahh..I cannot wait to see you..
I know tears will come out rite after I see your tiny lil face..and those tiny lil fingers..aiiiii..
(Ok mama will be patient baby..)

Baby, I know you're very special..special to me and papa.
My doa always with you..be a good muslim boy..(like your dadima (grandma) always say to you while you're still inside there. you can hear that??) Ok now everyone knows you are a boy! hehe
Insyallah we as a parents will give full attention and be responsible to cater your needs physically and spiritually..
Do not worry baby, I'm not going to be a fierce mother that always scolding her children.
But I cannot promise that I won't scold you forever in your life..hehe
Whatever wrongdoing is still wrong. Do not pretend to make it right.
Punishment still apply for you to learn and be a good  human being to your family and people around you..Simple!

Hey baby, mommy talk too much is it? haha. Now at least you know me so well.
(But I think your papa is more talkative than me. hehe)
After all he is a good man in my life. and will be yours too.
Baby, You know that today I am fasting? Its ramadhan baby!
I pity you coz, you cannot eat, cannot drink..I hope you're doing fine!
By the way, it's good. You've started early! hehe.

Ok baby, I'd better go..
Hope to see you soon. maybe after raya k son.. (please baby, give me chance to whack Tok Mi's ketupat & rendang..hehe)
Till next time.. I've got more stories to tell..
Mama Papa always love you.

-Mommy-

My Words..

I feel like,

I talk too much, 

And think too little..

-aYu-

Why Malaysian? Why?

Hi...
What a sad story to tell where in this week alone i saw 2 cars throw rubbish out of the window..
at the highway..and...
in front of 'their' kids.. Alamak... No civic at all..
How could you do bad things in front of your children..??
Don't you have in mind that one day your kids will follow your so called 'good behavior'??
Please malaysian..Please...
Have a little respect to others too..
Now we're in 21st century, we already have tallest building, and good living.. don't mess everything..
Do you realize that we are neighboring to one of the cleanest city in the world, Singapore??

And I swear to you, if i see you simply littering especially on the road, I will honk you until you'll get a shame coz someone notice what you're doing.. TQ.

Please change your attitude before you want to change the government... Ehhh...

regards..
Concerned Malaysian